On slow days, reporters have been known to type “Georgia man” or “Georgia woman” in Google to troll for news.
Typing “Florida man” generates even crazier results.
When people have asked me “Why are all the crazy people in Florida?” I used to say it was a combination of heat and inbreeding.
But today I read an Associated Press article that blames a new designer drug called “flakka” for “increasingly bizarre crimes.”
How bizarre? One dude had sex with a tree and told police he was the Norse god Thor. That incident reminds me of the infamous pool noodler, but I’ve sworn to never bring that one up again so forget I mentioned it.
According to police, flakka (which may stem from the word for ‘thin woman’ in Spanish) burst onto the scene in 2013, but has taken off in recent months. The drug is cheap, only $5 a vial, and has been called “temporary insanity” by users. It it easily available my mail order, the AP article says.
The drug is sold in crystal form and is often smoked using electronic cigarettes.
Only 38 people tested positive for flakka in 2013. In the first three months of 2015, 275 people tested positive for the drug that also goes by the street name “gravel.”
The Fort Lauderdale police department seems to be the psycho epicenter.
Police there recently pulled someone off their fence who claimed he was being chased by a gang of people trying to kill him. It took hours to remove the man from the 10-foot high fence after he was impaled through his buttocks.
In another incident, a 50-year-old homeless man was caught on surveillance video trying to kick in the heavy glass front door of the police department. He eventually broke through using large rocks. The AP story has the video.
Police say people who take the drug become intensely paranoid.
“It actually starts to rewire the brain chemistry. They have no control over their thoughts. They can’t control their actions,” said one official. “It seems to be universal that they think someone is chasing them.”
For $5, I suggest scoring a nice craft beer and sitting on a patio. Less buzz for the buck, but the chances of acquiring a splinter during sex are almost zero.