If you’re too broke or lazy to leave town for summer vacation I’ve got some good news for you.
Atlanta, according to a Wallethub study that seems as reliable as an ’86 Yugo, is the No. 2 city in the U.S. to enjoy a “staycation.”
No. 1 is Orlando, which makes sense since central Florida is home to Mickey Mouse and several trapped whales. I would have picked Washington, D.C., because there’s lots more to do there that is free and educational.
I can live with Atlanta at No. 2 because I live here and support the home team. I actually paid to watch the Braves play what they called “professional baseball” in the late ’80s.
The ridiculousness of Wallethub’s list cannot be fully realized until one gets to No. 5, Boise, Idaho, which I have never visited but, if it’s anywhere near Ruby Ridge or Wayward Pines, must be frightening. What’s the big attraction in Boise? A potato museum?
Many cities that don’t make you laugh are ranked far below Boise.
Denver and Seattle, where marijuana is legal, are ranked 18th and 21st. Both cities have plenty to do besides peel spuds.
Honolulu, which is in Hawaii, an island that ranks among the Earth’s greatest natural wonders, is 19th.
If you had to call a place home would you choose Idaho or Hawaii? If you chose Idaho, please move there immediately because we don’t need you degrading the local gene pool.
Miami is 24th. I don’t speak the local language there, but it is a great place to visit because of the things Idaho will never have — beaches, sports teams and no grizzly bears (though one must be mindful of alligators and Yankees).
Cities that have some of the world’s largest airports fare far worse than Boise. Our nation’s capital is ranked 30th, right after Tulsa, Oklahoma. New York is ranked 67th, barely edged by Plano, Texas and just ahead of Jacksonville, Fla.
Coming in at No. 76 is Detroit. It should be way lower.
The last four cities in the top 100 are all from California, which I find strange, since the west coast has a pretty ideal climate and some areas still have drinking water.
Chula Vista, California is ranked 100th.
Chula, Georgia would probably have been 101st merely because of its proximity to the fabled cities of Eldorado, Ty Ty, Mystic, Omega and Enigma.
Wallethub says their list points out the best and worst places for a staycation, but there are plenty places worse than Chula Vista.
A quick poll of co-workers suggests Dalhart, Texas and East St. Louis as terrible staycation locations.
Where would I love to not go? How about Barrow, Alaska? Even in summer the average high temperature is in the 40s. They probably serve blubber at craft beer tastings while a moose walks through town!
You can mock the complete list at Wallethub’s site or click the map below.