“Giving is better than receiving,” said someone who’s never gotten a gift from me.
Not to brag, but my prowess at finding the perfect gift is the stuff of Christmas legend.
Consider 1977 when I gave my mom a football. Sure, she didn’t get much use out of it but I learned to throw a pretty good spiral.
The secret to a good gift is getting people something they don’t know they need. Mom didn’t need a football, but she surely enjoyed me spending less time in the house.
Sometimes the best gifts are free.
If you can create something — say a poem, a piece of art or even a “Get Out of Jail Free” card you hope is never redeemed, people remember it. The danger of such a strategy is you may start receiving equally worthless gifts.
Hopefully you’ve got your Christmas shopping wrapped up. But if you haven’t, this list of much-needed gift ideas may inspire you to equal acts of giving greatness.
For the Atlanta airport: A really long extension cord. I’m not sure how one fire can knock out power to the world’s busiest airport for 12 hours, but the next time it happens they’ll be ready.
Decatur: A big hole to stick that Confederate memorial into.
Georgia Bulldogs: A little Rose Bowl magic. I was born in Oklahoma, but got out of there as Sooner as possible.
Georgia Tech: A Paul Johnson retirement party.
Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan: A trip to the optometrist. Only failing eyesight can explain going from 38 touchdowns and seven interceptions to 18 touchdowns and 11 interceptions in one year.
Atlanta Braves: General Manager Chipper Jones.
Arthur Blank: A new hockey team.
MARTA: Cleaner everything.
The Atlanta Streetcar: Something people actually want to ride, like the Sky Buckets at Six Flags.
Atlanta’s interstates: Fewer cars and more lanes.
Animal shelters: Fewer animals and more adoptions.
Atlanta Mayor Kasim Reed: A flashing blue light for his civilian ride.
Mayor-elect Keisha Lance Bottoms: A bright light to chase off the shadow of Kasim Reed.
Mayoral candidate Mary Norwood: A drink, because after losing two races by 700 or so votes she could use one.
OK, I can’t afford most of those. But, as people who give terrible gifts say, it’s the thought that counts.